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About Deviant Will MurrayMale/New Zealand Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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there are these times when i hear your voice. its always on a busy street or crowded platform and i spin round searching frantically for the source before realising you are gone and there's no getting you back. i missed the last train home.
you used to talk with an alcohol laced tongue and co-proxamol glazed eyes. a lethal combination that failed you, always failed you.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0
3 years
those are the nights you can really feel the cold.
its not the shivering, goosebumps, chattering teeth cold. its staying awake for hours huddled to one corner of the bed with your arms frozen tight over your heart, terrified it could stop. it reminds you that it's nearing three years to the day and you have forgotten how he smelt.
it is the way your stomach drops when you awake to find that you can't remember the way he looked when he slept or the way his eyes glittered when he smiled. you know they glittered, but you just can't picture it anymore, you know?
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 1 0
danger of death
there are those moments when you touch me
and electric shocks run through my legs, i swear.
the moments when the whole world seems to just slow down and it's only you, smiling in that dazzling way that you do, such a cliche. then i speak and ruin it. i always ruin it.
i can almost see glass cracking as i realise that i've done it again. you run out of patience, of words, of kisses. my heart drops. it takes years of apologies, the amount of times i've said sorry, sorry, sorry baby, sorry.
don't worry. don't worry or just no reply at all.
what am i even apologizing for? why am i sorry? i've no idea. you just like to hear it. you love knowing that whatever you do, whatever happens, i'll pick up the smashed glass, regardless of the cuts on my palms and the tears on my face and the pain in my heart. i'll miss you and run straight back.
there are moments when you touch me
and 1000 volts of electricity runs through my head.
danger of death.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 1 0
she had wind in her hair and the skyline in her eyes,
but she also had dirt in her nails and fire on her tongue,
and her liver was slowly rotting away.
she opened her eyes as if it required great effort, like getting up after an extremely heavy fall. no one ever noticed the way she gazed at the horizon as if it were an achieveable dream. she would fly there, someday, and nobody would follow and then people would realise and then they'd all be so, so sorry.
somebody calls her name and it drags her home. she smiles but it's distant, translucent. a memory she cannot recall. he continues to chat animatedly in her direction, she continues to stare blankly at the horizon. he never even saw the cigarette burned skin and the black circles beneath her vacant, stormy eyes.
she was a runaway train. a terrible, tragic accident.
she forgot how to fly when it was far too late.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 1 0
fifteen years later
and sometimes, just sometimes, i
still wake up screaming.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0
heart like a shadow
as you closed your eyes, the tears just poured;
spelling out the thousand-and-one words
that your heart couldn't bare to say.
life carelessly rolled by the window
and the train continued to jolt it's way home,
but there's no such thing anymore.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0
it's no coincidence that
when i hear your name
it brings me all the way home...
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 1 0
living is a bad habit
as i remember, the soft melodic tune of a distant piano -or maybe something a little heavier. violins?- drifted across the green to where we lay; arms spread wide. our fingers would dig into the vert grass as though we should fall right off the surface of the earth if only we forgot to hold on.
sometimes we span so fast, round and round, then fall down. we turned until everyone felt sick and then turned some more. all too happy to care, all too crazy to think. my mind is left, spinning my vision, out of focus.
small red marks litter my skin and small red blotches encircle my eyes. the white coats speak to me as if it will all be over soon but all the while hungry for the beginning. i cannot answer, to my frustration, to the little understanding of everyone else.
the crazy thing was just how hard the sun beats down. just how warm the breeze was. just how green the ground and blue the sky. it hasn't been that way since... gosh, a long while. some days it's hazy, like the thin wispy cloud
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 4
your last chance...
sometimes i come to find that the words i was singing to a particular song have been the wrong ones all along. i continue to babble the incorrect verse anyway, defiantly believing that my mistakes make more sense to the situation at hand.
im not whole when you're not here.
the sun did not bathe the morning in a beautiful sepia glow and nothing in my being wished that it would. how tragic that the sky should match the concrete of the city on this dull february day. the gloom held such an ache in the pit of my stomach.
it's not even as if i miss you, or anyone. who are you? should i put a name to a memory? i'm not even sure there is a memory to name and yet the reams and reams of pathetic cliches that lather my tongue seem to yearn for people left behind. it ceases to matter, we come into this world all alone. why should we care if we leave it that way? too many cooks; three's a crowd; everything points to trouble that way.
i left and never came back. the calls stopped coming and
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0
restless heart
let's not pretend that i love you
for you, because i'm sure
you're sure,
we're sure
that i don't.
i fell in love, that
hate-filled night,
not with your sunshine smile
nor your blue-as-ocean eyes,
under the star-filled skies.
but the promise of
that might stop the slow
ache that can only
come after the
crimson spill.
you fell hopelessly
in love with me.
by accident of course.
never on purpose, never your fault.
then who?
who is there to blame?
oh, the hopeless
drumming of my heart.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 5
i told her
i have never felt more like i am falling before now.
i have my eyes closed, you think i'm sleeping. sometimes
i just feel like not saying a word to you.
the butterflies in the stomach and the short sharp
intakes of breath are remnant of a jerky rollercoaster
i can't think of the words to say because
everything that springs of my tongue sounds
repulsive to my own ears. your sight
feels like grasping at the parapet of a cliff with
just my fingertips. i look down expecting to find
the emerald sea of your eyes but instead i
just see the smoky black of something terrible.
i cannot even swallow my own lies let alone
yours. this is what causes my stomach to plummet
as the waves crash threateningly below.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 2
why should we run
and i'll take you away
for a year and a day,
and we'll forget this whole thing
as you lay in my arms.
i'll litter you with kisses,
you'll come to no harm.
heart quarrells with my head;
im unsure of what is true.
but the part that i know,
is i'll always need you.
you tore me apart
when you tore out my heart,
but the things that you spoke
melted my soul.
the life that we left
was just so old.
i can no longer remember
why we should run,
but the knowledge you're here
just makes it more fun.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 2 2
fireworks over the bay
the boy makes her laugh and the girl just cannot see. too much truth makes you
blind to the world
and she never once told a lie, unlike him.
he can see corruption in their eyes and black briars creeping their way
over the cracks in the concrete and the jagged holes in the bathroom window.
when it rains he's soaked.
when its sunny he's burned.
when she laughs its like fireworks over the bay.
she looks as though a hurricane hit her. she feels as though nothing can
touch her. running down the block, with the sun on her
neck and glimpsing the outline of the pretty magnolia flowers behind the
bathroom window.
she holds his hand as he clasps hers. she doesn't feel the
desparation in his voice. the girl just doesn't see. the sharp, angular leaves of the
poison ivy receed with her touch. the cracks can be fixed and
there's flowers in the window.
there's firworks over the bay.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 2 0
turn a little
the times in which i wish i could be with you like you
turn a little faster, move a little closer, be a little better.
times in which everything just moves a little further away.
i cant stopcan t stop ica n t st op wishing on those prettypretty
pretty little specks of light.
they're all just burnt out and dead. i c an tbel i e ve i'd waste all that time.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0
not what she should have been
i saw her today, she's not what she used to be.
i could picture running my fingers through her silky, sunshine hair and holding her hands, admiring each dainty lilac-painted finger nail.
i watched her cross the road without looking. her hair was barely recognisable; a mass of knots, like strands of straw. her fingernails were cracked and broken. clumsily coloured, bloody scarlet.
she could hardly hold her head up to see the path ahead of her, the sapphire of her eyes now a smokey grey. the purple beneath her eyes and the paleness of her skin made her stand out a ghost against everybody else. as though the sun had missed her and the gorgeous summer breeze had failed to meet her skin.
i saw her today, she's not what she should have been.
i remember flowers growing in her footsteps and angelic voices singing when she walked into a room. life seemed to eminate from her as though she was the reason for light and not that obselete star in the dull blue sky. the mere memory of her glowed a mi
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 1 2
look away
'i need to get out there. i'm meant for more than this'
you spoke quietly as you looked out over the harbour, soaking up the last of the sunset with every nicotine laced breath. all i could do was hold your hand and nod. i knew this meant leaving, i knew it meant without me.
you'd come back again, be happy for a week and subsequently sink back into the old routine of silence, smoking and being completely without cause. sometimes it just tires me out, having to check on you constantly. i know you stopped living a long time ago, sometimes i just have to look away.
:iconkillingmoonx:killingmoonx 0 0

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:iconjohnfinch: :iconwhitsteen: :iconbreakingjaws: :iconpunkrocklove:



Will Murray
New Zealand
It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop.
He's beautiful.
I know he doesn't think that I think that,
but I do.
Oh, I do.
The expression
on his face makes my heart melt.
  • Listening to: my heart
  • Reading: got lost
  • Watching: in the
  • Playing: light of
  • Eating: your
  • Drinking: eyes


Add a Comment:
Groeren Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2009
Thanks for the fav!
Yumikasa Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009
Thank You so much:) :P
killingmoonx Featured By Owner May 15, 2009
hey me!
mo2g Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2009
Welcome to dA.
Thanks for the fav!